i'm brand new to this site so i hope i'm not infringing on proper protocol for this community, all apologies if i do. anyway, i started calling myself sxe some time when i was like 17 or 18 and did so for about a yr or 2. I was into punk since i started listening to music and i was never into drugs and i didn't have any inclination towards alcohol... and then i met a few sxe kids at some shows and i was like "sweet, there's a name for what i've been doing my whole life!" so i started listening to minor threat and got into black flag and it was a really good and positive experience for me because a lot of my friends started getting into partying, and some of them got into some really fucked up situations with drugs. so i grabbed a marker and drew X's and for like 2 yrs (approx.) i was edge. But, i broke it for a number of reasons. (i'm 22 now for reference) First, i had no edge friends, i had no support network. I had a few friends who didn't use, but they didn't understand specifically "straight edge". Most of the people around me drank, smoked etc. a LOT and no one wanted to go to shows anymore and the only thing i could find to do with people was go to parties... and i kept edge... but i would sit around feeling really awkward watching everyone getting wasted. it was really sad to watch. Second, the sxe kids i did meet didn't really accept me at all, and i felt really pushed away by the community, even though i strongly believed in my decision to be sxe but i was outcast by other sxe kids... to this day i dont know why... but these 2 reasons combined with a lot of other random shit, i had my first beer when i was 19 and smoked like less than 30 cigarettes over that year. I didn't really respect the scene anymore, it felt elitist and full of macho-wannabes. Now, i do not wish to insult anyone here, this was just my experience.

so now, a few years later, i was having a difficult time sleeping. I started randomly browsing the web and was reminded of straight edge and i wanted to find some sort of essay or article that eloquently laid out some sXe ideas. I live in a house with 4 other guys and we have parties all the time, and on a fairly regular basis i get drunk. And i've been getting really sick of the emptiness in the party scene. I have no intention of trying to get back into the scene, but i was trying to find some articles on sxe. I wanted to find something that briefly explained sxe, but more importantly something that laid out some ideas pertaining to sxe.

but i couldn't find anything. i found a lot of forums but i didn't want to sort through thousands of posts. all the articles i could find were very simple and simply explained the history and variations of the movement. unfortunately i also ran into a few really immature, under-developed preachy articles.

So, i'm here for a few reasons... I'd like someone to point me in the direction of some sort of essay or article that goes into the philosophy of sxe... a manifesto of sorts. Also, frustrated with my fruitless search, i wrote my own little manifesto and wanted to share it with someone who might enjoy it and have some comments. so here it is:

(keep in mind that i'm not promoting sxe, i am not sxe, i do not intend to do so, so you probably will disagree with some statements in this piece, but i'm ok with that and i would just like to have someone's honest opinion)

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"...Escape reality? I AM reality!"

i'm not sXe, but i probably should have stayed that way.

i am surrounded by people who have difficult lives... because everyone has a difficult life (to varying degrees). But a lot of the people around me encounter stress, adversity, pain etc.. and reach for a bottle to forget about it. I look on the news, i look around at the horrible things happening to our world and it makes me sick. I look at our president, i look at global warming, i look at sweatshops and globalization... McWorld. And i'm really pissed, i want life to be better for everyone, i want to change it. And if i pick up a beer because life is so depressing... INSTEAD of:
- picking up a book to inform myself
- doing research on important topics
- discussing things that i care about and that effect me greatly, with other people who care
- DOING SOMETHING!

if i get drunk instead, tomorrow morning the world will be the same. something about the only thing that evil needs to triumph is the apathy of good people. There's nothing wrong with having fun, there's nothing wrong with drinking. BUT i know way too many people who drink way too much and it keeps them from doing something with their lives.

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Ask yourself a few questions:
- why is it harder to get people to go to church than to get people to go to the bar?
- how much money do i spend on intoxicants? how much on music/concerts?
- why is it so easy to get a ton of people to come get wasted at a party and so hard to get a ton of people to go to a show/protest/etc?
- does drinking take my problems away, or just make me forget about them for a bit?
- after smoking, drinking or drugging, the next day, are you happy that you spent your money on that?
- why do i go to bars? and is that the best way to achieve my goals?

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if you just got dumped, or just got engaged, or whatever, its ok to have a drink. but on a regular basis... just think about what else you could be doing with your time and money:

- spend the money on a book that will enhance your mind and expand your understanding of the world and your ability to change it
- buy a record that is beautiful and makes you think and question your own beliefs and ideas.
- go to a show and have a fun sober time and meet new friends and mosh (you're supporting artists who are trying to do something important... instead of greedy corporations who only want your money)
- volunteer at any of the hundreds of organizations who need help... meet other neat people, its free and most importantly your helping to make the world a better place.
- write an actual letter with an actual pen or pencil to your friends or family or elected officials... its good for your brain and its good for the person receiving it (plus, a postage stamp is WAY cheaper than alcohol or weed).
- put on a pair of good shoes and start walking for a really long time, meet people on the way, check out your city from a different perspective, plus its free and good for your body.
- invite friends over to make something (painting, sculptures, protest signs)
- go to a protest, start one yourself.
- donate to the salvation army instead of getting a beer.
- get a bunch of food and some friends and a car, make bag lunches for homeless people and drive around on a cold night giving them out.

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all this to say that getting intoxicated keeps you from doing things that matter. Close your eyes... shit, keep'm open or you won't be able to read this... but imagine two scenes :

(1) a bunch of people at a bar drinking over-priced drinks that reduce them to the level of baboons and smoking cigarettes that will kill them... giving their money to greedy corporations who don't care about them, listening to processed radio rock ballads, looking around for someone to have sex with.

(2) a bunch of kids getting together to make and give out food to homeless people.

now, which group of people do you want to be in?
Psychological studies have shown that helping other people is good for the mental (and in turn physical) health of the person who is helping.

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this is me, kinda bummed out from introspection, because i do drink too much too often, i don't volunteer, i don't read enough.

I spend more money on recreational chemicals than i do on music, literature, art and charity combined. i spend more time intoxicated than i do going to punk rock shows. and this would disappoint Henry Rollins. (Think about this, Sid Vicious is dead, Henry Rollins is still alive and he's gotten smarter and has made the world a better place than dead Sid, no disrespect though).

i'm realizing that i'm becoming a person that i really don't like... and i think a lot of it has to do with partying and escapism. I want to get married and start a family some day, I want to travel the world and learn, I want to leave this world a better place than when i found it. I'm not doing those things right now... I'm distracting myself from the painful reality that i'm not doing anything with my life. This changes now, and i encourage you to join me.

"...escape reality? i AM reality!"

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please:
- respond honestly
- tell me if i'm forgetting something
- get pissed off at me for being a hypocrite
- comment
- answer some of the questions i asked